Friday, October 23, 2015

Nightmare.!!!!

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum. Hai.!! Long time no sees ya... I'm quite busy with many things that make my brain soo dizzy. Huh. I really can't brain that everything was happened just in one week by 'ghost', I think. Haha

I think, I just want to keep all this matter by myself  because I don't want to bother anyone, but it is difficult already. To be honest, I'm very tension and stress. I didn't went to classes for 2days and keep silent in my room just like a person in mourn. My eyes were like a panda all the day.

It's about one month ago. It started when my bed was filled with oil, my cutest bed sheet was dirty and I was like "Ya Allah, sapa buat ni.??" But I'm still cool. Like always. Hahaha. After a week, my phone was hidden by 'ghost' in a box behind my door's room. That time, I was very shocked because I just go to the toilet just about less than 5 minutes and guess what, my phone was lost.

I really can't brain it. After 2days, I lost my phone, and this is very bad and sad for me. I lost my lovely laptop which is my best friend since I was studying in Jordan. Fellow came to my room at that night and we did a spotcheck in the whole block E of Hafsah, but we don't found it. I'm very upset, I cried and prayed "Solat Hajat" and read Yassin. I prayed that Allah gives me a stronger heart to face all this matter. I know, it's actually a test for me to look am I the one that "mudah melatah" or not. After solah, I try to calm down and felt more comfortable than before. Alhamdulillah. Even I very know that impossible to find out my laptop again, but I know Allah knows the best for me. I try to husnuzhon as well as a servant to Him. 

But, it's not stop here and this made me felt like want to die. Aaaa. I know it's wrong to feel like that, but I truly disappointed. I don't know how to show my sadness, but I think you all can imagine right.? In my laptop, there were many pictures in Jordan, my assignment, my soft copy of kitab hadith and many more. So, just imagine. Huh. Okay. Back to our topic, last Saturday, when I backed from the homeless project by Maaruf Club I saw something like curry on my pillow and blanket. Please feel me.!!! Please.!!! Hmmmm.

The other day, on Sunday, when I want to iron my dress for the classes I found that my new dress was cutted off by 'ghost'. Act, I was bought it by my saving that was given by my dad. I spent the money to buy it and guess what it was cutted off by someone who very not responsible, heartless and inhuman. That time, I cried all the night. I can't stay cool and act like nothing happens like usually.  I cried and cried. I blurred and don't know what to do. I called my friend and ask her to sleep over her room. She cried too when I had storied to her all this crazy things.

Habis essay pendek aku. YaAllah. Rasa teruji sangat sebenarnya. Tak tahu nak cakap macam mana. Bila aku mengadu kat Mr F, ada satu ayat sentap dia yang menusuk hati. Zappp. Zappp. Pedih je rasa. Hahaha. Dia cakap, " Istighfar banyak-banyak. Kalau setakat mengadu dekat twitter ke, dekat saya ke, kawan-kawan ke, tak boleh nak kuatkan sangat pun. Boleh sekadar nasihat tenangkan fikiran je lah. "

Haaa. Ambik. Tu lah. Semua benda nak tulis kat twitter kan. Bukan nak terus ambik wudhuk ke, solat ke, ngaji ke. Sekali kena dengan Mr F. So, terus pergi ambik wudhuk. Hahaha.

Sebenarnya, mula-mula tu takde la rasa sedih sangat. Tapi sebab obvious sangat dengan kelasnya full tiap-tiap hari, mcm culture shock sikit dengan schedule sekarang. Still perlukan masa untuk sesuaikan diri dengan semua schedule, tetiba jadi macam nie. Mana tak rasa down sangat. Nak online pun dah start berkira sekarang. On whatsaap kadang2 just tgk yang personal mesej je, kot2 ada benda penting. Kadang2 sampai tak terreply whatsapp org. Nak update blog pun tak sempat. Cehhh. Kaitan sangat. Hahaha. Bukan lah nak cakap busy sangat, tapi semua nie baru untuk aku.

Pasal semua kejadian tu, aku bukan tak redha, bukan nak mengeluh sangat pun tapi mcm aku cakap, aku penat. Tu je.

Ramai tanya aku syak sapa, memang aku ada syak seseorang tapi tak perlu lah kot aku cerita kat sini sebab semua tu just syak. Bukan ada bukti kukuh pun lagi and jauh disudut hati aku, aku minta sangat-sangat syak wasangka aku nie salah. Macam tak sanggup nak cakap dia yang buat.

Dalam testing yang Allah bagi nie, aku sebenarnya termuhasabah jugak. Kenapa lah bertimpa-timpa kejadian yang berlaku, bukan nak pertikai tapi aku nak muhasabah diri. Mungkin sebab dosa yang bertimbun dan tak terhitung nie asbab aku diuji macam nie. Aku minta Allah kuatkan aku dan betul2 ampunkan dosa aku. Ameen.

Aku tiba-tiba teringat umi abi and adik-adik. Mungkin aku ada buat salah kat dieorg sebab tu jugak Allah bagi semua nie. Kita tak tahu kan. Entah lah. Apa yang penting, benda nie betul2 menguji keimanan dan kesabaran aku. Apapun, aku syukur aku tak bertindak diluar kawalan. Heee.

Terima kasih banyak-banyak kepada sahabat-sahabat yang tak putus-putus bagi semangat. Siap call and whatsapp dari jauh semata nak bagi semangat. Ada yang sanggup datang melawat bilik. Really appriciate it. Alhamdulillah.

Untuk umi abi and adik-adik, minta maaf dari hujung rambut hingga hujung kaki. I know I'm not the best and always do mistakes, but I'm learning from it. I try to be the best for all of you. Sorry for everything.

Have to go. Bye.!! Do pray for me ya. Thanks. <3




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